Go to the Doctor

Have an illness you can’t seem to shake? Or a severe injury that requires expert attention? Then it’s time to bite the bullet and go to a doctor.

This might seem like obvious advice, but millions of Americans either (A) try to tough out injuries or illnesses or (B) don’t have insurance to pay for it.

Reason A is monumentally stupid. There are no prizes in life for suffering. You do not become enlightened by declining medical care. Chicks don’t dig the fact that you haven’t been or a doctor in years, or that you “walked off a sprained ankle.”

A famous example of one of these people is former American football star William “The Refrigerator” Perry. Perry never wanted to go to the doctor for his multiple health problems, including headaches, dizziness, pain, alcoholism and obesity. Eventually he relented, and the doctors saved his life. He’s avoiding doctors again, and if he continues, he will almost certainly die.

I also used to be one of these people. Than after a particularly late night of cavorting, I contracted a stomach illness I just couldn’t shake. I was nauseous for almost a full month! Eventually I went to a doctor who prescribed me a pill, and I felt better almost instantly.

The second reason is a lack of insurance. If you live in Canada or the UK, you won’t have this problem, because all healthcare is free, but rationed. Here in the USA, you have the potential to run up huge bills without health insurance.

Here’s what you do if you absolutely need medical care: Pretend that you’re an illegal alien. Show up, say “mi amo Pedro Gonzales, y [insert injury or sickness here]. Yo no hablo ingles muy bien.” Don’t give an address, a social security number, don’t say that you have insurance or any of that. When they ask you questions, answer in broken, accented English. Would the care be as good if you were a paying American? Probably not. But it would still be care.

The government blows billions of dollars a year on free medical care for illegal aliens. No reason why you can’t benefit from it to.

If you’re sick and you don’t go to the doctor, then you’re not A Boss.